6 UMD Stereotypes
Although Maryland is a big state school, here are a few stereotypes that can be found on any given day in ratchet College Park:
The Stoners
Usually found at the nearest Chipotle, these are the most laidback people on campus. They’re always willing to smoke you up or buy pot brownies for your floor. Either way, they’re super generous and live in sweatpants. It’s like a thing.
The Athletes
Deep down inside, you secretly hate the athletes because they go to school for free, get awesome scooters and pass classes without doing much. Then again, getting to play against (but mostly watch) the basketball team at Eppley makes you forget how much you despised them for getting into that human sexuality class that has already waitlisted you and hundreds others. We love that we hate them so much and it makes us love them even more.
The Studious JAPs
Not to be confused of the Asian variety, these Jewish American Princesses divide their time between the likes of Sigma Delta Tau, Alpha Epsilon Phi or Phi Sigma Sigma, and the library. They spend their reading time equally between biology textbooks, Betches Love This and @TrendyProblems. Conversations usually center around Greek life, the Kardashians and/or College Park’s lack of shopping options. Group costumes/outfits are a must, especially at their favorite fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi. If confused at all, please consult the Bro Bible.
The Frat Stars
Sky’s out, thighs out. These gentlemen live off of Natty Lights and Burnett’s and live in Chubbies, Sperry’s and Ray Bans, all the while raising funds for their cherished philanthropies. They throw the best tailgates, but beware of the jungle juice. They’re a lovable people on (but mostly off) campus, and can be seen rocking their letters everywhere and reading (and infamously writing in) the Bro Bible.
The In-State Kids
They put Old Bay on everything, and enunciate their O’s. If you’ve never heard Maryland people sing the National Anthem, you’re going to be surprised (hint: they love the Orioles). The in-state versus out-of-state students are kind of like the Jets and the Sharks. They get angry when you mention that a) no one in the country uses Old Bay, b) the Redskins should be renamed, c) you hate the Ravens and d) moving to the Big Ten is a good idea.
The Tour Guides
They lead packs of pre-pubescent high schoolers all over campus at an obnoxious volume. You have to push your way through the herd just to rub Testudo’s nose for five damn seconds while the tour guides scream, we’re not making it up! He’s lucky! Although they can be a nuisance on campus, you can’t help but scream Go Terps at the prospectives.
But no matter which stereotype you fit, all Maryland students can agree on one thing: Duck Fuke.